Inspired by “Leave Out All the Rest” by Linkin Park
(I wrote this back in May, but didn’t post it because I didn’t like it. Decided that I don’t care about that anymore.)
He sat up on his bed out of breathe. He wiped his forehead to find beads of sweat there. He’d been having the same dream the last three nights, but tonight it felt too real. His arm was shaking as he reached for the glass of water near his bed. After a few sips he grabbed his phone.
“2:07. She’s gonna kill me for calling this late.” Sighing he dialed his girlfriend.
“Whoever this is, hang up and call back when the sun’s up,” came a muffled voice on the other end of the phone.
“Juv?”
“Hmm…Aiden? Is that you? What’s wrong?” she asked still half asleep.
“Sorry to wake you. I had a crappy dream and I can’t stop shaking.” Aiden’s voice gradually got faster. “I don’t know what to do. I’m freaking out and you’re the only one who can deal with me when I get like this.”
“Shut up. I’m coming over.” Jubilee slipped on her sweatshirt and made her way to his apartment, two floors up. “your door better be unlocked. I’m not in the mood to deal with your roommate or wait at the door.”
“Thanks. I’ll meet you at the door.”
As upset as Jubilee was at being woken up, she would never turn her back on Aiden. She also knew that he wouldn’t call unless he really needed her. Getting off the elevator, she spotted him pacing in the hall. His hands were fidgetting and pulling his hair. His shirt was twisted, like he had put it on in a rush. His face had a scowl, similar to the one he always wore when she first met him.
Upon seeing her, his scowl lessened and he embraced her. After letting him hug her for a few seconds, she suggested going inside to his room. Jubilee sat on his bed, leaning against the headborad. Aiden laid his head on her lap as she began to gently play with his hair. They stayed like that, in comfortable silence for a few minutes.
A raspy voice spoke, “I dreamd I was missing. You were looking everywhere for me. You asked for help, but no one stopped. No one cared I was gone. It felt so real. I mean, why would anyone care? What have I done? What am I leaving behind? I’m a no one who has done nothing. ”
“Aid, it’s too early for an existential crisis.” She kissed his head. “YOu’re here and safe. Let’s worry about this later. I’ll spend the rest of the night with you.”
It didn’t take long for both to fall asleep in each other’s embrace. A few hours later, Jubilee woke up to an empty bed. Wandering out of his room, she spotted his roommate in the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
“Yo. What’s up smurf?” he said once he saw her. She glared at him. He’s been calling her ‘smurf’ since she dyed her hair blue six months ago. “Grumpy went on a run. Said something ’bout needing to thing,” he continued.
After a brief pause a thought came to him. “You weren’t here when I went to sleep. Did grumpy have a bad dream,” his voice mockingly said. She continued to glare at him, a look that could only mean… “Crap. He did have a bad dream, didn’t he? How’s he doing?” Genuine concern laced his voice.
“Existential crisis at 2am,” she sighed, finally taking a seat across from Nathan.
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good.”
Before either could say another word the front door opened revealing Aiden. He joined them at the table, kissing Jubilee’s temple. Nathan excused himself, saying that he needed to get ready for work.
Once alone, Aiden spoke. “I need your help. Help me find reasons to be missed when I’m gone. Something that will help people forget all the wrong that I’ve done. Iwant people to remember me in their memories when my time comes.”
“Don’t talk like that. You’ve already done so much and created such good memories for me and your friends. And don’t talk about when you’re done. I don’t want to think about it.”
Aiden cupped Jubilee’s cheek. “I’ve made peace with it. I can’t live forever. I just can’t live as I have been. Pretending someone is going to save me from myself. I’m not my dad. I can’t live his life anymore.”
Jubilee grabbed his hand. “Okay. Then let’s help you be you. But first a shower. You stink,” she said pushing him away as he tried to hug her.
Jubilee was inbetween jobs and Aiden conviently had the day off, so they wee able to spend the day helping Aiden find himself. Aiden admitted, “I don’t know. I’m not as strong as Ilook. I’m still…recovering.”
Aiden had a mental breakdown about a year ago. His father placed him in a psychiatric hospital, where he stayed for three months. Since then, his dad had him working at the family accounting office. While Aiden longed to go back to his job in physical therapy, he knew that he couldn’t handle being around people at the moment. Which is why all he did was filing and handling the company book. His dad was trying to groom him for taking over the business.
After coming up with a list, Jubilee pointed something out to Aiden, “You need to talk to your dad.”
Sighing, Aiden agreed. “I’m having lunch with him tomorrow. I’ll talk to him then.”
The next day Aiden reluctantly went to work, knowing he would have to speak with his father. When lunch time rolled aroun Aiden went to his father’s office. Their lunch was set on a table in the office. The two began eating in awkward, though not uncomfortable, silence.
When they were almost done eating, Aiden broke the silence. “Dad, I need to talk to you.” His father looked up, motioning for him to continue.
“I need to make some changes. I can’t keep letting you bail me out. I can’t pretend that all this is going to save me. I’m afraid that if this continues, you’ll resent me… and I’ll resent you. I can’t be who you are.”
A small smile graced his father’s lips for a split second before saying, “Okay. Tell me what you have in mind.”
Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, Aiden shared with his father about the talk he had with Jubilee. Though he made sure to leave out all rest about the dream.
True Jazz 